I wrote this on Saturday.

Bittersweet is the only word I can think of to describe the feeling in the pit of my stomach this morning. As I shut the door to the van after saying goodbye to almost half of my FYM team. It has been around 2 weeks since this whole mess started. Today, I saw a very tangible reaction to Bob's failure. My heart is hurting as I lay here in my bed wondering if somehow I have failed these FYM's. I know I had nothing to do with the situation but still a small part of me wants to understand something anything Why is it so hard to see people leave??

I have invested 5 months of my life into helping these FYM's grow and today when they left it was hard. It was hard because I wonder if I lead them properly through the situation. I question if when they were looking to me for help and advise if they saw me or they saw Christ. I question if I somehow missed something I should have seen. I question the motives of their choices to leave and I pray that it really is God's will for their lives. Lastly, I question if someday I will stumble and my fall will cause others to stumble. I have so many questions, but so few answers. Nothing seems to make sense right now.

The one thing I have to stand on during this entire trauma is the fact that I know God has called me here for such a time as this. I need to refocus myself so I can minister by pouring God's love on to the students that are left. My prayer is that I am able to finish these next 3 months with a supernatural grace and love that causes the remaining students to look back on this time and see Christ. Pray that God will bless the ones that have left and He will give them the closure they need. Please continue praying for us as we make the transition into the new house and for our restructuring from losing half the team.